A few weeks ago, some girlfriends and I were having our usual post Fusion service chat over discount appetizers at Applebee’s. As we went around the table discussing various things going on in our lives, it was brought to light that I tend to not have many “issues” to work out or dissect.
Truth be told, in that moment, I didn’t.
I didn’t have any family drama to report on. No baby daddy issues. No crazy exes, current boo thangs, or crying fits over being single. No freaking out about my job, school, ministry, my every entertaining kids, the book project, direction in life or the like. I actually had to stop and think about the last time I had momentary lapse in sanity. The closest thing I could come up with was my Mother’s Day snafu with Aiden’s dad which in all honesty, wasn’t much to write home about.
But then those fatal words stabbed my heart: “You seem like you have it all together.”
Clearly, they could not have been talking about me. Some days, I consider myself an absolute hot mess.
After that conversation, I did some serious soul-searching. Do I really give off the aire that I have it all together? Like I don’t have a care in the world? Like things are great and I never have any problems? I hope not because that is so far from the truth.
On any given day, I can be freaking about anything from being a single mom of two growing boys to my inability to return phone calls in a timely fashion. Or the fact that some days I battle with insecurities that rear their ugly heads or the fact that I have yet to finish my almost complete graduate program while others are breezing past me in academia. Or the fact that some days I feel isolated as a ministry coach or the fact that some days I have no clue why God picked me to be a leader in my generation. (Has He met me?!)
God gave me an interesting revelation a day or so after the chat with my friends. It wasn’t a “better than you” lofty perception of myself but more so my shift in the way I navigate through life that I needed to share with the hope that others would follow.
Some would think that because I don’t complain a lot, have meltdowns often or am battling issues often, I have it all together. So far from the truth. I live a life of thanks for what I have instead of complaining about what I don’t. I pray about everything instead of worrying about anything. I believe that God is my healer, my provider, my protector, my source of strength and my biggest cheerleader. I don’t have it all together, but I trust in the One that does.
I don’t have it all together. And neither does anyone else on Earth. My life gets out of balance, I cry, I have freak out moments. I realize I am still human and not immune to the troubles of life. Yet, I have learned that worrying doesn’t make any problem go away. Being anxious over the things I have no control over won’t grant me anymore leverage over the situation. Trying to save the world and everyone in it will only leave me disappointed and broken. I’ve learned to redirect my fears, doubts, insecurities and anxiety onto the One whose yoke is light enough to carry them all. Our human minds and bodies were not created to carry the weight of the world. Jesus already did that on the cross.
None of us have it all together. No one will ever arrive at the destination of “my life is perfect.” My life revolves around my constant, desperate need for my Savior. While I let Him do the hard work like keeping the infinite number of universes aligned and saving people from eternal damnation, He lets me spend my days bragging about how amazing He is. Can’t complain about that kind of trade-off.