“I Made You This Way”

It’s not uncommon for me to spend a few Friday nights babysitting for some dear friends of mine. I always enjoy giving them a break from their parenting duties so they can have some quality time together. I also like the fact that after the girls are in bed by 8:00 PM, I get to enjoy a house that is completely quiet. I spend those precious moments listening to podcasts, writing, watching highlights from leadership conferences or reading one of the many books I carry around. This past adventure in babysitting Friday, I was deeply engrossed in Francis Chan’s message on discipleship from the 2012 Catalyst East conference, I started to get this nagging thought that would not escape me.

How lame am I that I actually spending my Friday nights watching Francis Chan preach on discipleship…and I am actually enjoying it? I should be out on the town with friends, laughing it up and “being available to be found” if you know what I mean. Instead, I am sitting on the sofa, Bible and notebook in my lap, jotting down ideas on how to make disciples. I turned off the TV and started to really think about where my life was in that moment.

• I spend more time listening to sermon podcasts than I do watching TV.
• Aside from the Hunger Games, every book I have bought in the past couple of years can be found in the Christian section of Barnes and Nobles.
• I have not been in a relationship in about 3 years and I am actually okay with that.
• When most people get excited about planning vacations, I get excited about planning my next missions trip.

Who am I? Certainly a far cry from who I was a few years ago. If I had seen a snap shot of my life today about 5 years ago, I probably would have thrown eggs at the woman I was to become. I am so far removed from my old ways that I actually had to stop and take a moment and look at myself in the mirror. I know the Bible says that when I accept Christ I will become a new creation but I was beginning to wonder if by some chance, God accidentally gave me someone else’s new life.

I could feel myself starting to get worked up and overwhelmed. Before I could pick up my phone and start inviting people to my pity party, the Holy Spirit intervened and calmed my fears with a few simple words:

“I made you this way.”

Really? I went from boy chasing, going hard in the world, emotional train wreck of a girl hiding behind my good grades to sitting home on Friday nights reading my Bible and God, you really thought that this was a good fit for me?

“Yes.”

Then it hit me.  Though my life is dramatically different than it was some years ago, the essence of who I am has always remained the same. Areas that were once contributing to my destruction have been redirected and used for good in this born again life of mine.

• That nurturing spirit that I had for my younger brother and sister when we were kids, sustained me when I had to take care of them when I got older. That same nurturing spirit is being used to help women love themselves and love Christ.
• That thirst for knowledge and learning I had as a kid sustained me through out my educational career. That same thirst for knowledge and learning is why I find myself studying the Bible or reading yet another book on discipleship on a Friday night. I am choosing the good part by sitting at the feet of Jesus on a regular basis.
• That overwhelming need to seek love and affirmation in men when I was younger has been redirected and now I seek love and affirmation from the One who is love. Finding love in Christ keeps me from seeking out love from undesirable places. It protects my heart and reserves my body for my future husband.
• That burden I had to help people when I was younger is the same burden I have to faithfully serve others today. My desire to serve has made me a better leader, friend and Christian.

I sat back and soaked in my new found peace.  Despite my sin, God’s plan for me and unique details about me were never altered.  I am exactly how He intended me to be.  Lifelong learner, servant, nurturer, leader, daughter of the King.

Titus 2 Woman: Loving By Example

A few months ago, I heard a radio interview with Jocelyn from the popular reality show Love and Hip Hop. I’ve never watched the show since I am not a fan of women being portrayed in such a negative light, but I have heard plenty of discussions about her from others people and social media. As she bragged about her recent fame, history of stripping and bartering herself for money, my heart ached for her. She is admired by so many women but under the surface, it was obvious that she was still battling some of her own personal demons. She confirmed my thoughts when she made statements that have stuck with me to this day. Jocelyn admitted that she does regret some of the decisions she made as a young woman like stripping and relying on men to fund her lavish lifestyle. She also mentioned that if she had someone to mentor her or show her that her body didn’t have to be her meal ticket, her life would have been different. As the interview was wrapping up, Jocelyn made a heart felt plea for older women to start looking out for the younger generation.

Women, if we are honest with ourselves, we can admit that we have not done a very good job of looking out for the younger generation.

The bible is filled with some amazing stories of women who are still an influence in the lives of woman today. As they have encounters with Christ, women are shaking off the remnants of a life that sometimes mirrors that of the Proverbs 7 woman in attempts to live up to the expectations of the Proverbs 31 woman. So many have repented of their sins, accepted Jesus as their Savior, embraced a new spirit filled life, married the amazing man of God and had children that will be raised up as the next generation of Jesus lovers. For many, that’s the extent of their Christian experience. They do a great job of keeping Christians saved, but often times neglect the very broken women they have been called to minister to.

As much love and praise as the Proverbs 31 woman receives, there is a woman of the Bible that does not receive nearly enough recognition though her instructions are in such a high demand in these modern days. She is the Titus 2 woman.

“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.” Titus 2:4-6.

As busy as our lives are, it is so easy to forget that there was a time when we were new believers trying to figure out what it meant and looked like to be godly woman. There was a time when we still struggled with certain sins, still felt the sting of shame and guilt because of past mistakes and didn’t always know how to receive God’s love. We are all new creations in Christ but we should not forget that there are women in the world that are in the very places we once were. There are still plenty of Jocelyns, Real Housewives of Atlanta, strippers and promiscuous women that need to be shown that there is a better life for them. There seems to be no shortage of Proverb 31 women yet not enough Titus 2 woman who are willing to putting in the time and energy to mentor and train up other women to be godly wives and mothers.

I looked at various websites and books on what it means to be a Titus 2 woman. Often times, I was left with images of stay at home mothers who make their own clothes, grow their own food, and home school their children. There is nothing wrong with this type of lifestyle but that’s not a lifestyle that is appealing to the masses. The same principles outlined in the scriptures are still applicable to the many different lifestyles that woman live today.

• There are singles mothers who need support in raising their children as well as encouragement to pursue purity until marriage.
• There are women in the sex industry that needs someone to remind them that they are beautiful, worthy and that God still loves them even in the midst of their sin.
• There are middle, high school and college age girls that need the wisdom and example of godly wives to understand that there is a blessing in waiting on God for a husband and waiting on marriage for sex.
• There are engaged and newly wed wives that need the support and example of older wives when it comes to maintaining a home and honoring her husband.
• There are young believers that need the support and example of mature believers when it comes to serving and doing good for others.

Let us not get to busy or too saved that we forget that we were pulled out of our own destruction by the love and blood of Jesus Christ. Take the time to pour into young girls or even peers who may not be as mature in the faith as you are. At some point, a woman with the principles of Titus 2 sealed in her heart prayed for and encouraged us to continue down the path that lead to Christ. Pay it forward and be the same for another woman.

Mommy Seeking Marriage

It is a known fact that not many days go by that I am not reminded of the fact that I am single. From conversations with friends, to worried “when are you going to find a man” looks from family members, to the never-ending engagement announcements, the topic of marriage is never far off. I am not that girl that spends time putting together my wedding Pinterest boards, dreaming about the perfect wedding day, or constantly revising a “list” of qualifications for my future husband to possess. Instead, I spend my days serving others and pursuing God’s will for my life. I am more fulfilled and content in my single days than I ever have been when I was coupled up. I have traveled internationally on missions trips, ministered to people in ways that I never would have imagined, and have had the most life changing encounters with God during this season. I learned that the more time I spend doing God’s will, the less time I have to worry about my relationship status.

I must admit that I have not always been this confident in my relationship with God or in His promises for me. Being a single mother of two wonderful boys, I have not been immune to the social and emotional stigma that it sometimes brings. In the past, I have either seen myself or allowed others to see me as being less than; a statistic; damaged goods. I have never lacked attention from men for reasons other than marriage so for a long time, I never thought that marriage was necessary. Insecurities, loneliness, and carnal desires often keep single mothers bound to lies that that are so deeply rooted that it’s hard to even fathom the truth.

• You do not deserve any more that what you settle for.
• You should not expect a man to want to take care of someone else’s child, let alone marry their mother.
• You probably should have made better choices and not had children out of wedlock.

I remember going from one bad relationship to the next, hoping that the next man would be okay being boyfriend and daddy. In some instances, I settled for the idea of being grateful for whoever thought enough of me to keep me around, even if they were not looking to play daddy.

It wasn’t until I stopped searching for love, validation and a makeshift father in random men, that I was truly able to accept the radical love and affection from Jesus Christ. Even when I was more in love with sin than my Savior, He still considered me worthy of being pursued. My past did not matter to Him and it brought Him pleasure to take on my sins, my hurts, and my shame. Allowing Christ to do a miraculous work in me helped me to put my complete trust in Him, even for marriage. God’s word says in Psalm 37:4 to “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

That promise does not end with single mothers.

I pray that any woman who made the brave decision to bring a life into this world without a husband by her side understands that she has not been overlooked by God. You are not your past, the labels you have worn or the lies you have believed. You are loved, desired, and worth Christ dying for. You are worthy of His absolute best for your life and His only request is that you trust Him with your life and your heart. Love, nurture and raise your children in the ways of Christ and continue to delight yourself in Him. There will be stressful days, lonely nights and tearful prayers but hold His promised in your heart. God is the author of love, life and all things good so be patient and allow Him to write your happily ever after.

Who Is The Prodigy In You?

Defining a Prodigy from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

I’ve been fan of Pastor Steven Furtick from Elevation Church for a few years now. He presents the Gospel in such a simplistic yet thought provoking way. With his home spun southern charm and God sized faith, its hard not to like him. For whatever reason, I was up at midnight shifting through some of Elevation’s thousands of creative videos when I happened upon the promo video for a sermon series he did a while ago called The Prodigy in Me. I haven’t listened to the series but found myself watching this video over and over again.

Lately, I have felt like I have not been living my life to its fullest. Almost as if I have been feeling stagnant; not quite sure of myself or my abilities. This video has left me feeling like a challenge has been issued. Who is the prodigy in me? Do I feel like there is more to this life than what I am doing and experiencing? What will happen if I take God up on His offer to be exactly what He created me to be?

Something to think about.

 

Checklist God

I am a list person. I try to organize my life by keeping a running tab of things I need to do. My lists are organized into categories like work, home, kids, ministry, prayers, etc. With every item that is scratched off, I feel a sense of accomplishment and relief. One less thing to worry about. I’ve done what was needed to do in order to feel that sense of relief, that freedom in knowing I got the job done, the reward that comes after the hard work.

I don’t always follow my lists to a T and sometimes I dread the sight of them. Some days, I don’t feel like working on certain projects for work, running certain errands, cleaning and doing laundry yet again, or following up with tasks for the ministry. After I finish having my temper tantrums, I get over myself and start plugging away at what needs to be done. I want the relief, the freedom, the reward even though my heart is not in the task itself.

This past Friday, I was leaving the amazing Catalyst conference with a friend and she and I starting sharing some of things going on in our lives. It dawned on me that we both tend to have this checklist mentality. We are plugging away at life, crossing off things on our checklist, waiting for the reward and satisfaction that comes with completing the tasks. We realized that we tend to treat our relationship with God the same way. We go through life with our checklist of things to do and not do in order to get that same sense of satisfaction and reward from God. What once started off as a heart felt desire to please God, it has now become a desire to do things for God in order for Him to bless us.

“If I serve in the church, God will be pleased.”

“If I give tithes and offerings, God is going to bless me financially.”

“If I open my home to someone in need, God will grant me extra favor.”

“If I guard my heart and stay away from sin, God will give me a great husband.”

“If I don’t have sex before I get married, I am going to have a great marriage.”

 James 2:17 NKJV says, “Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” Faith without works is dead. I realized I am pretty good at the works part. I have my trusty checklist of things I do so that God can see my good deeds and bless me accordingly. Yet, I realize, I am missing the faith part. I have allowed myself to feel like I have to work hard in order for God to see me. I have to check off my list of accomplishments so that I can feel like now, I am deserving of this or that. I have reduced God to nothing more than a system of cause and effect. If I do this for God, then God will do this for me. 

Faith without works is dead. But works without faith and heart behind it…what’s that?

I welcome this wake up call about where my heart is. It hadn’t dawned on me before that I had allowed myself to slip into this works mentality, treating God like a genie who should fulfil my wishes because I was a good girl. I don’t deserve anything. I am not a good girl despite with my completed checklist says. I am a sinner, saved my grace, through faith. Faith. The missing link in my works.

I don’t have to do in order to receive. There is no amount of work on Earth that I could do to repay God for all that He has done and the sacrifices for His son. God loves me despite my sin, despite my checklist of accomplishments. If I never do another good deed again, He will still love me. I can stop trying to earn something that is already readily available. I can stop trying to do this or that so that God will hold up His end of the bargain. He doesn’t want me to do for others out of a selfish place in my heart. He wants me to do for others out of a place of love and gratitude for Him. He is faithful in His promises because His heart does not change. My level of sin or service don’t make Him love me any more or any less.

I will keep the checklists that keep my life organized but I can let go of the checklists that keeps me working without faith.

Gift Giving

In this day and age, very few things make me nervous or worried. I don’t know what it is but I don’t tend to worry about things as much as I used to. Growing up, worry was second nature but I believe that once I realized, I had very little control over the world and people in it, I let myself off the hook. Sure I have my everyday worries like providing for my kids as a single mom and making sure they grow up to be productive citizens and not menaces to society. But for the most part, my comfort and faith in Jesus helps me get plenty of sleep at night.

Yet, in recent conversations with a friend, I realized that I have an issue that seriously makes me nervous to think about. It’s a nervousness that I don’t think I have ever had before (even though I probably should have). I’ve pushed it off in the back of mind as some ridiculous notion and quickly say to myself how I need to “get over it.” However, over the past couple of months, the more I try to ignore the thought, the more it plagues me and creates irrational thoughts and feelings. I’ve skirted around the situation with God because for whatever reason, I just could not fathom bring up this issue with my Abba even though I’m sure He already know (He already knows).

I’m nervous about sex.  *Queue the gasps*

For someone who has had a rather reckless past when it comes to sex, it has never been something that has made me nervous or fearful. Sex has always been this act that has been pervert in my mind since I was a child. As a sexually active teen and adult, it has always been used as a form of manipulation, power and self confidence. It was my source of strength and my source of worth. It was a meaningless act that I frequently engaged in with little fear of the physical, spiritual or mental damage that it could do. I was numb to the consequences and ignorant to the beautiful expression of love within a marriage that God intended for it to be.

Fast forward to the present. December 29, 2012 will mark 3 years since I last offered myself up as a sacrifice to sexual sin. My mind has been renewed, my heart has been mended, my soul saved, and my eyes opened to reality of sexual sin and the gift of sexual purity. I don’t struggle with lust very often, I don’t watch porn and for the most part, I keep myself free from sexual temptation. I remind myself that my body is not my own. It belongs to God and when I get married, it belongs to my husband. My dedication to sexual purity is a gift that I am reserving for my husband.

Or so I thought.

The enemy has been rather clever in chipping away at my confidence in knowing that although I have sinned, I am a new creation whose slate has been wiped clean. I am far from a virgin but I still can offer my husband this wonderful gift of knowing that I made the decision to reserve myself just for him…right? Will he really consider this journey of purity a gift since the vessel has already been tainted many times over? Will we ever really reach that level of intimacy and confidence in one another knowing that I’ve given myself over to others? You see, although I don’t struggle with the physical temptations of sex, the mental and emotional consequences have become a struggle.  The small doses of doubt have started to compound into my current state of fear and nervousness about the possibility that the one gift I felt  I had to offer to my future husband…isn’t even a gift worth giving.

It wasn’t until this past Saturday that I came face to face with my fear in the most unlikely of ways. I gathered some of my single gals along with some godly wives to have an open discussion about marriage. This was something that I had wanted to do for my girls for a while now as a way to demystify the sugar-coated idea of marriage so many women have. I left the discussion to my single friends and the wives because I felt like the Holy Spirit told me that I needed to just listen and observe. He was so right.

At some point in the night, the question was asked about how to combat fear and nervousness about sex when you have already had sex outside of marriage. One of the wives explained that she had also had sex outside of marriage but because her and her then fiancée made the decision to remain sexually pure before they got married, God blessed them by restoring the beauty and honor of sex on their marriage bed. There was no shame, no guilt, no manipulation attached as it had once been. They were made new creations, their sins forgiven, and the gift that was once used for evil had been restored to it pure and beautiful state. They were both able to offer themselves as a gift to their spouse, pure and undefiled.

I needed to hear that. I needed to quiet myself and my thoughts to hear that word of wisdom that was especially for me. It brought to mind one of my favorite verses in Isaiah 61:4 which states, “They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.” God is still in the business of restoring hearts and bodies that had been long since ruined and devastated. Though I have given away a precious gift to someone who is not my husband, God still considers my vow of sexual purity a beautiful gift to be given to my husband. He is reassuring me that despite past relationships and soul ties that have since been severed, there is a certain level of intimacy and connection especially reserved for my spouse. There are so many layers of emotions and so many experiences that I have not had the pleasure of indulging in despite my many relationships. God has purposefully shielded me from ever experiencing those things because He has reserved them for the one He created for me to share those moments with. I think God keeps everyone from reaching certain levels in relationships that are outside of His will for us so that we can have plenty of gifts to give to the one we are supposed to spend our happily ever after with.

Dating in the Digital Age

As a single woman in her early thirties, I have officially reached that age where people are starting to wonder if I am ever going to get married. Just recently I have noticed the influx of questions asked by friends, family members and complete strangers about the state of my personal life.  It hadn’t dawned on me that people were starting to get concerned about the fact that my last relationship ended about 3 years ago and I have not sought one out since then.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I am already the mother of two boys, I am pretty sure people would assume I am a lesbian since I don’t have a revolving door of men in my life.

Oh wait, that happened this summer. Sigh.

It bothers me that people tend to think that something is wrong with a woman who isn’t paired up with another warm body of the opposite sex. I am surrounded by people who are in relationships and marriages so I am well aware of my single status. Yet, many don’t really understand it when I say I am actually rather content with my life. I am in an incredible love journey with Christ, I have some of the best friends and community a girl can ask for, I’ve traveled to foreign countries to show the love of Christ, I get to write and encourage women, I get to disciple leaders in ministry. I whole heartedly believe in seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all other things will be added to my life.

Including a husband.

Unfortunately, we live in time where many people understand that concept, but would prefer that the marriage aspect be added a lot sooner rather than later. We are in an age where instant gratification is preferred over “waiting on the Lord.” Our lives are busy and we are always on the go with our phones attached to our hands so that leaves little time for much human interactions. Yet, despite our crammed schedules, that innate desire to be loved and loved on never seems to dissipate. Thanks to technology and smartphones, everything is at our finger tips, including the latest way to get hooked up.

Online dating.

A friend and I had a text conversation (the only way to communicate, right) about the pros and cons of online dating. With sites like E-Harmony and Match.com (who is supposedly responsible for more relationships and marriages than any other site), people are flocking to the site with hopes that they will have the one stand out profile in the sea of millions. Christians have even decided to cash in on the market with sites like ChristianMingle.com and EquallyYoked.com. Times are changing so we must change with the times, right? Are long gone the days of random chance meetings at a coffee shop or grocery store or even a set up by a friend? Is this the new face of dating for singles?

Here are my questions: Where is God in the midst of our profile edits, picture uploads and catchy headlines? Where is our trust in Him while we are viewing our matches for the week? Where is our focus on the kingdom of Heaven when we are consumed with messages to and from random strangers? I asked several friends about their thoughts on online dating and surprisingly enough, many are for it. The common theme was the idea that God can use any medium by which to present you with your future spouse, so online dating should not be discounted if you are a Christian. True, God is the creator of the universe and made light happen by just speaking so of course He has the ability to use any platform by which to present a spouse. Yet, in my heart of hearts, I don’t think God envisioned us spending countless hours perfecting our profile, putting our best self on display, or scrolling through hundreds of profiles in an attempt to find “The One.”

There is always an exception to the rule. In my quest to get feedback from friends, everyone knew someone who found their now spouse online. I expected those stories to come. In this day in age, it’s hard to find someone who hasn’t posted a profile or at least contemplated it. Sure, these couples have marched down the aisle into their own personal happily ever after and praise God for it. However, I am left to wonder about what was their motivation for resorting to online dating. Was their life really that busy that they never had time to actually be social and meet people? Were they moving in step with their own time line of when they should get married? Had their faith in God’s timing started to wane and the idea of more lonely nights outweighed God’s desire to have them trust Him with everything, including when they meet their spouse?

For me, I am well aware that my heart is deceitful and it cannot be the motivation behind decisions that I make. I am well aware that spending nights without a significant other is not all that great but I also know that God has never failed me. I am well aware that EVERYONE around me is getting married or in committed relationships but I also know that God wants me to trust Him completely, even for marriage. I am well aware that I have plenty of experience in seeking out relationships on my own which have left more scars than anyone should have to endure but I also know the beautiful and safety in allowing God to be the author of my own love story.

I am not knocking anyone who has tried or is interested in trying online dating. Many people have found their mates online. My prayer would be for those who use it, take a moment to think about why you are doing it. What is your motivation? What is the condition of your heart? If your reasons are loneliness, waning hope for marriage or (dare I say it) desperation for someone to love you, log off immediately and seriously seek Jesus. No human can fill the Jesus shaped hole that is in your heart. Trust me. Online dating just isn’t for me and I have a peace in my heart about my stance. I believe that God knows the desires of my heart and my rather old fashion ways. I think He knows me so well that however He decides to introduce me to my future husband will be in such a way that honors that little things that I hope for. The enemy sometimes whispers in my ear that all this hope and trust that I have for my future are like fairy tales and I should think more realistically (i.e. online dating). Yet, as quickly as those negative thoughts come, my Lord reminds me that He hung the stars just for me because He loves me just that much. He knows what is best for me and that I do not have to go searching for it, posting profiles online for it, or wasting time worrying about it. My trust in Him and focus on His kingdom is enough for me. He will handle the rest. Fairy tale ending and all.

What Do Men Really Want? Part 2

In my previous post What Do Men Really Want, I explained how my eyes and ears were opened when a man told me that women who are pursuing their God-given purpose in life was attractive.  Men aren’t terrible crazy about women who are just sitting around waiting for their life to happen but who are making the most out of life.

The second thing that caught my attention when listening to some Christian men talk about what they want in a woman really made me think. Another simple statement but something that made me really sit and ponder the meaning.

“I want a woman who worships God with her life.” A woman who worships.

Now the first thing that came to mind when I heard this was the aspect of worship in music. What man wouldn’t want a woman who freely worships God in song, hands lifted high, heart completely exposed? But then I had to realize that worship means more than singing praises to God.

I had to stop and take some time to think about what it really means to worship God with my whole life. As a woman and a Christian, I thought I measured up pretty well when it comes to being a woman who worships God with my whole life. Yet, God had to shed some light on some of the areas that many women fall short, including myself. We think we are worshipping God in spirit and in truth but often times, our lives are not reflecting this love and reverence for Him.

Worship God with Her Time

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

If you think about all the minutes in a day, how much is given to God? 5 minutes in the morning while reading your daily devotional? 20 minutes of Bible reading to check off your to do list for the day? The last few minutes of the day after you have given your attention to everyone and everything else? A prayer as you fall asleep at night? A woman who worships God with her time understands the importance of giving God her FIRST minutes of the day which sets the course for the rest of her day. It is because of Him that her eyes open each morning so her first minutes should be spent giving God her undivided attention. She is intentional about spending time with God and does not do it out of habit. She does it out of a love and desire to be in regular communication with Him. Just like we spend hours talking to or thinking about a significant other, God wants that same attention and affection. She stewards her time wisely and doesn’t waste it on things that do not add value to the Kingdom or her life.

Worship God with Her Body

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body,” 1 Cor. 6:19-20.

Do you treat your body as if it is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit? Do you treat your body as a precious vessel bought by the blood of Jesus? A woman who worships God with her body understands that her body is not her own and is only meant to be shared with her husband under the covenant of marriage. She does not engage in pre-marital sex, masturbation, heavy petting or the like. She does not dress in a way that garners unwanted attention or causes her brothers in Christ to stumble with lustful stares. She appreciates her beauty and knows her worth but does not put herself on displace to have those truths affirmed.

Worship God with Her Finances

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:34

If you take an account of the money you spend, where is it going? Shopping? Entertaining yourself and friends? Trips? Cars? Phones? Food? Are you more interested in building your own kingdom instead of God’s Kingdom? A woman who worships God with her finances tithes and gives offerings with no hesitation. She honors His commands to give her first 10% and she gives an offering to help those in need. She is generous, and understands that giving to the least of these is giving to Jesus. She stewards the money that she earns and does not spend it recklessly. She avoid getting into debt and has a vision (budget) for where her money should go. She knows that God is her provider and does not allow the love of money to become the root of problems in her life.

Worship God in Her Relationship

“Do not be misled.: Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor. 15:33

What kind of company do you keep? Are your friends passionate about the things of Christ or the things of this world? Are you surrounded by other women who gossip or tear each other down? Do they criticize more than they come up with solutions? Is that relationship you are in drawing you closer to Christ or further away? Do you feel like you have to compromise who you are in order to win the approval of your friends or the man in your life? A woman who worships God in her relationships avoids people who are not living by a godly standard. She doesn’t think she is better than others but she does not keeps company with people whose lives are not pointed towards Jesus. She does not date around. She desires a relationship with marriage as the end goal, not hurt feelings because of an unguarded heart. She enters a relationship with a man who respects her body, her boundaries, her love and devotion to Christ and His purpose for her life. He encourages her to become more like Christ in all aspects of her life and less like the world.

A woman who worships God with her whole life reflects God heart in all areas of her life. Whether it be her time, body, finances, relationships, her mind, her talent, God is present. The light of Christ is evident and she is not ashamed of it. I understand why a man would be attracted to a woman like this because He is essentially being drawn to Jesus through her lifestyle. Any man whose life reflects Jesus can easily find a woman just like that because he knows what to look for. Men of the world want the fantasy and the fleeting beauty while a man of God searches for a woman whose life holds eternal value.

What’s My Purpose?

In my previous post, What Do Men Really Want, I explain how everyone has a purpose in life and pursuing that purpose tends to be attractive to godly Christian men. Makes sense right? Women want a strong, godly man and that same strong godly man wants a woman who is not just waiting for a man arrive. He is interested in a woman who is pursuing her God-given purpose in life.

A couple of nights ago, I felt lead to pull out a book by one of my heroes of the faith, Christine Caine. She wrote a book called ”Can I Have And Do It All, Please?”, a book that I purchased last year after hearing her speak for the first time. For whatever reason, I never finished the book but God told me to go back through it. I love her writing style so before I knew it, it was 2 AM and I was more than half way done with the book. I did however spend a good bit of time in the section where she talked about women finding their purpose.

God has been speaking to me a lot about having a vision for my life and being faithful in pursuing my purpose which is writing and encouraging broken women. We all have the same charge: go into the world spreading the Good News and making disciples. Yet, everyone has different gifts and talents that will help them bring this to pass. From NBA players to stay at home moms, we all have a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11 says so). Yet, many of us spend so much time fumbling through life doing one fleeting thing to the next, trying to figure out what it is instead of listening to the direction of the Holy Spirit. Finding this book among the hundreds on my shelf and honing in on the section of purpose was not by accident. Christine listed 15 questions to ask yourself when you finally sit down long enough to put some thought behind what it is that God has you here to do. I found myself answering a lot of these questions, just to confirm that me and God were on the same page when it came to what I’m to do with my time here on Earth.

Ask yourself these questions and see what you come up with. Bring it God and allow Him to shed some light on the plan He has for you.

1. What is it that I’ve been good at since an early age?
2. What do others look at me doing that would be hard for them, but seems effortless to me?
3. What is it that I consistently find myself sharing about or helping others with?
4. Why do I think God created me?
5. What am I most passionate about?
6. What things enrage me and what problems in the world do I have a passion, over and above all others, to solve?
7. What subjects could I talk about for hours and days without a loss of momentum?
8. What Scriptural truths and subjects have been those that most bear witness to me and speak life to me?
9. What have been the biggest struggles I have encountered in life?
10. What have been my biggest victories and breakthroughs? Why?
11. What subjects or topics do I enjoy learning about?
12. What would I be doing if money wasn’t an issue?
13. What type of people do I connect with easily or have compassion for?
14. What were my favorite subjects in high school or college?
15. What part of the global or culture do I have a passion for?

This is by no means the “right” way to figure out what to do with your life. The Bible should be your road map and the Holy Spirit should be your guide. This is a simple way to get the gears turning in your head and start turning your heart towards Jesus. Our time here on Earth is but a vapor. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice so that we could live blameless and free. The least we could do is not waste this life and bring as many people as we can to know Him.

What Do Men Really Want?

A week or so ago, I listened in on a panel discussion where some solid Christian men shed some light on what it is they want in women. What a man wants in a woman is one of those age-old questions that has an endless amount of answers depending on who you ask. Most Christian women think they need to strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman because she of course is the “ideal woman.” Not knocking Mrs. Proverbs 31 at all and I believe every woman should strive to develop characteristics like her. However, I do believe that sometimes, in order to get a straight answer about something, you have to go to the source.

I enjoyed the Q & A session because its always refreshing to hear from strong Christian men who are living out the principles of Christ in their marriages and relationships and leading their women closer to Christ. As the moderator was wrapping up the session, she asked each one final time, “What do you want in a woman?” Out of the 4 panelist, 2 answers really caught my attention and has left me pondering this thought ever since. One response was:

“I want a woman pursuing her purpose.”

Such a simple statement that carries so much weight for single women. Women who are looking for marriage are forever told to “wait to be found by your husband” or “become the one worth finding” but I don’t think nearly enough emphasis is put on encouraging women to pursue their God-given purpose during their single days. Even Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians that unmarried women are free from the obligations that come with marriage and family to pursue the works of the Kingdom. Most people cringe at the idea that Paul tells us that it is better to remain single, including myself, but I see where he is coming from. I think far too many women are looking at marriage as the end goal as opposed to advancing the Kingdom of God and making the name of Jesus famous.

To hear from a man who loves and serves God whole heartedly that his desire is for a woman who is pursuing her purpose speaks volumes. He gets it. He understands the fact that marriage is not the end. The woman he desires is busy with things of God. She is taking care of any past hurts and pains and sharing her testimony to encourage others. She is sharing the Gospel, being an example of Christ in her workplace. She is using her gifts and talents to bring about light in the midst of darkness. She is not caught up in petty things, wasting her time on issues that have no merit, or waiting idly by for a man to find her. She is far from the attitude of ”Miss Independent” but more so carrying a humble attitude of “Miss Totally Dependent on and Fully Submitted to God.” While she is going about her life pleasing God, fulfilling her Kingdom purpose, she is being seen by a man who is also busy with things of God. He knows what a woman who is on fire for God and living a life that mirrors that because he is a man on fire for God and living a life that mirrors that.

A union between two people who are passionately living out God’s will for their lives is a powerful force for the Kingdom but marriage should not be the only thing that sets a woman’s heart ablaze. Last time I checked, God wasn’t dropping men on the door steps of single women so instead of focusing on your happily ever after, how about focusing on your part to play in advancing the Kingdom.

My advice to my fellow single women who desire marriage: Stop stressing about it and get busy with what God has called you to do. When you are busy with things of God, you really don’t have much time to worry about anything else. Lonely days will come and the desire for marriage won’t go away, but living a life that is full of purpose and meaning makes the temporary circumstances worth it. Let God handle your emotions and desires and you play your part of spreading His Good News.

I will explain the other response to “What Do Men Really Want” that caught my attention in my next post.