It’s not uncommon for me to spend a few Friday nights babysitting for some dear friends of mine. I always enjoy giving them a break from their parenting duties so they can have some quality time together. I also like the fact that after the girls are in bed by 8:00 PM, I get to enjoy a house that is completely quiet. I spend those precious moments listening to podcasts, writing, watching highlights from leadership conferences or reading one of the many books I carry around. This past adventure in babysitting Friday, I was deeply engrossed in Francis Chan’s message on discipleship from the 2012 Catalyst East conference, I started to get this nagging thought that would not escape me.
How lame am I that I actually spending my Friday nights watching Francis Chan preach on discipleship…and I am actually enjoying it? I should be out on the town with friends, laughing it up and “being available to be found” if you know what I mean. Instead, I am sitting on the sofa, Bible and notebook in my lap, jotting down ideas on how to make disciples. I turned off the TV and started to really think about where my life was in that moment.
- I spend more time listening to sermon podcasts than I do watching TV.
- Aside from the Hunger Games, every book I have bought in the past couple of years can be found in the Christian section of Barnes and Nobles.
- I have not been in a relationship in about 3 years and I am actually okay with that.
- When most people get excited about planning vacations, I get excited about planning my next missions trip.
Who am I? Certainly a far cry from who I was a few years ago. If I had seen a snap shot of my life today about 5 years ago, I probably would have thrown eggs at the woman I was to become. I am so far removed from my old ways that I actually had to stop and take a moment and look at myself in the mirror. I know the Bible says that when I accept Christ I will become a new creation but I was beginning to wonder if by some chance, God accidentally gave me someone else’s new life.
I could feel myself starting to get worked up and overwhelmed. Before I could pick up my phone and start inviting people to my pity party, the Holy Spirit intervened and calmed my fears with a few simple words:
“I made you this way.”
Really? I went from boy chasing, going hard in the world, emotional train wreck of a girl hiding behind my good grades to sitting home on Friday nights reading my Bible and God, you really thought that this was a good fit for me?
Then it hit me. Though my life is dramatically different than it was some years ago, the essence of who I am has always remained the same. Areas that were once contributing to my destruction have been redirected and used for good in this born again life of mine.
- That nurturing spirit that I had for my younger brother and sister when we were kids, sustained me when I had to take care of them when I got older. That same nurturing spirit is being used to help women love themselves and love Christ.
- That thirst for knowledge and learning I had as a kid sustained me through out my educational career. That same thirst for knowledge and learning is why I find myself studying the Bible or reading yet another book on discipleship on a Friday night. I am choosing the good part by sitting at the feet of Jesus on a regular basis.
- That overwhelming need to seek love and affirmation in men when I was younger has been redirected and now I seek love and affirmation from the One who is love. Finding love in Christ keeps me from seeking out love from undesirable places. It protects my heart and reserves my body for my future husband.
- That burden I had to help people when I was younger is the same burden I have to faithfully serve others today. My desire to serve has made me a better leader, friend and Christian.
I sat back and soaked in my new found peace. Despite my sin, God’s plan for me and unique details about me were never altered. I am exactly how He intended me to be. Lifelong learner, servant, nurturer, leader, daughter of the King.