Something’s Missing

There is always a song that can be attached to an emotion. This is my current soundtrack.

“Something’s Missing”–John Mayer         

I’m not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I’d know, I was down because
I couldn’t find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

I’m dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn’t help the hunger pains
and a thirst I’d have to drown first to ever satiate

Something’s missing
And I don’t know how to fix it
something’s missing
And I don’t know what it is
At all

When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart:

Something’s missing
And I don’t know how to fix it
something’s missing
And I don’t know what it is
At all

I can’t be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something’s missing
And I don’t know how to fix it
Something’s missing
And I don’t know what it is
No I don’t know what it is
Something’s different
And i don’t know what it is
No I don’t know what it is

Friends -check- Money -check-
A well slept -check- Opposite sex -check- Guitar -check- Microphone -check- Messages waiting for me, when i come home
-check-

 

How Women Help Kill Chivalry

 

A few months ago, I was listening to a local morning show and the topic of dating came up. Of course this is dating in the typical sense so I didn’t expect to hear any biblical advice about boy meets girl stuff. Nonetheless, I listened for the sheer entertainment value.

One of the morning show hosts explained how he is teaching his 11-year-old son how to treat women with respect when it comes to dating. I was pleasantly surprised because it’s never too early to teach little boys how to be respectful young men.  He had his son practice how to ask a young lady out on “proper” date by having him ask his mom out to dinner. The son had to call his mom on the phone, ask her out, call and make reservations for the dinner, pick out a nice outfit, have conversation topics ready and arrive to pick her up on time (or more like make sure his dad was ready to drive them on time).  His point to the lesson was the idea that most men are clueless when it comes to the basics of dating. It has become more and more of a foreign concept for a man to take the effort to actually ask women out in person, let alone plan and execute the date.

And it’s true. Thanks to technology, texting, and social media, men are more inclined to “text or Facebook” a woman and ask her out as opposed to picking up the phone or even asking her out in person. I saw this first hand  while having dinner with a friend at Applebee’s. A man asked for her number and insisted on texting her as opposed to a good old fashion phone call. Luckily, she declined and let him know that texting her is not an option and strangely enough, he seemed like she was speaking a foreign language when she said that “text relationships” are not her thing.

Chivalry is a dying art form…and women are helping to kill it. *Commence throwing stones*

Women have made it rather easy for men to slack in the area of dating and relationships. Men no longer have to put in much effort when it comes to winning a woman over. Instead of dating men, women are wasting time with boys with man-sized responsibilities. In this day in age, some men would rather carry on a text conversation with a woman all day and never pick up the phone. He can tell people you two are “just hanging out” and never really commit, yet still give a you just enough attention to keep you at bay. He can say what he wants, act how he wants and never be held accountable for his actions as long as he buys her things to keep her quiet. He can sleep with her but never call her his girlfriend, and surely not his wife. He can date her for years and years but never put a ring on her finger.

Why? Because women don’t demand or expect more from men.

I was proud of my friend for not settle for the attention of a man who would rather text her than call and hold an actual conversation with her. Most people wouldn’t think that is such a big ideal but I think so. By allowing the tone to be set that all he needs to do is text you if he wants to talk, don’t expect for him to start picking up the phone when you realize you rarely get to actually talk to him. Women desire to be won over, to be respected, to be lead but many sacrifice their most basic desires with whatever they think they can get.  All too often, woman are settling for whatever he dishes out and expects the countless arguments and nagging to change things. Been there, done that, the story ends the same.

I urge women not to settle for less than they deserve and what you deserve starts with knowing your own self-worth. The only way to get men to step up their game is for them to know that you won’t settle for mediocre because you are worth the time and effort. You are worth being wooed. You are worth being respected. You are worth getting to know from the inside out. You are the daughter of the risen King so act like it and expect to be treated as such.

 

Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing

There are some songs that you can listen to that speak right to the heart of your emotional state. I’ve been feeling somewhat complacent and routine lately and that’s not where I want to be. Going through the motions of life, trying to be a good mom, friend, sister, Christian, leader, human being.  At some point, I start leaning on my own strength to push through instead of leaning on Jesus. I’m not afraid to admit my inadequacies because in my weakness, He is glorified.

I heard the song Come Thou Fount at the Real Marriage Conference with Mark and Grace Driscoll. It played in between the sessions and though it was hard to hear, it kept catching my attention. It’s an old hymn that one of the Mars Hill worship band’s King Kaleidoscope, rearranged. I had never heard the hymn before but I was immediately captivated by the lyrics. The words spoke to me, convicted me, yet gave me hope.

“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.”

A few other bands and choirs have done their own renditions of this song but King’s Kaleidoscope is by far my favorite. They just released an EP entitled Asaph’s Arrow which has been on repeat since I bought it.  King’s Kaleidoscope Mars Hill U District Worship Band

Come Thou Fount

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of God’s unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’m come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Relentless

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of sitting in on the Fusion baptism class for that night. The last time I was in that class was when I was getting baptized myself back in 2009. Being on the other side of the experience was like a gentle reminder of how amazing and faithful God is.

I shared my story then listened to the 3 girls share their testimony. Each so different, yet all called to the same purpose: Love God. Love People.

Listening to one of the testimonies reminded me of the fact that some people choose God with no question. They knew Him when they were young and followed Him all their lives. But for others, His relentless pursuit is what won them over. We all have this innate need to be loved and wanted. We go to great lengths to get and hold onto love that we often neglect the author of love. Yet, despite how much we try to deny Him, His love for us transcends our rejection of Him. Like the girls in the baptism class and for myself, God had to literally meet me right where I was before I would surrender.

Relentless. That’s the only word I can use to really describe God’s pursuit for my heart when I was far from Him. After spending almost a decade trying to carve out my own path in this world and failing miserably in many cases, God still pursued me. After consciously denying His existence despite countless frantic prayers He had answered over the years, God still pursued me. He was always this silent presence in my life waiting in the wing to prove Himself faithful to my doubting heart. His patience during my rebellion is to be envied because I probably would have given up on me if I were in His shoes. And when He decided that it was time for me to come back to Him so that I could have my broken and bruised heart mended, He stopped time just to meet me in my driveway to tell me “This is not who you are.”

Relentless. Only the love of God that had been in pursuit of me for years could make me leave everything behind to follow Him. Relentless. Even to this day, He still relentlessly pursues me to remind me that His love and devotion to me is just as strong as it was when He knit me in my mother’s womb. Through dreams, the beauty of creation, and His still small voice, He is relentless in making His presence in my life known.

His love…relentless.

Love Jesus…Love, Jesus

A couple of weekends ago, I found myself at my church’s Saturday morning corporate prayer. I don’t attend corporate prayer nearly as often as I should, but that morning I felt the need to be there. Usually when I go, the prayers that are lifted up to Heaven are the very ones that have been burdening my own heart.

This morning was no different.

As Pastor Dennis prayed and invited the rest of us to engage God in our own personal prayer language, I felt like I had arrived at a divinely appointed time with Him. My prayers have not been as heart felt and personal as they should lately and I was starting to feel guilt about my heart not being behind my prayers. I was starting to feel like my surface level prayers were falling short of God’s ears.  I wasn’t indulging in any blatant sin but my passion and faith was starting to wane. I was hitting a plateau with my relationship with Christ despite my “busy” life of discipleship and leading others.

I had no idea where to start because I had a laundry list of things to repent for and other personal prayers. Romans 8:26 came to mind which says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”  I closed my eyes, surrendered my heart and allowed the Holy Spirit to guide my words.

With my eyes closed, I got the vision of a blank scroll with frayed edges. As I prayed, words begin to appear on the scroll. Prayers of repentance, forgiveness, desires of the heart, blessings and favor for myself and others, wisdom and direction. Each prayer appeared on the scroll one by one but then slowly faded away. The longer I prayed, the more words appeared and faded. As I ran out of words, all I do was say “Love Jesus.”

I repeated the words over and over. Love Jesus. Love Jesus. Love Jesus. My heart began to swell with a feeling of adoration and thanks. Love Jesus. Love Jesus. Love Jesus. The words appeared and slowly faded on the scroll just as my prayers had.

Love Jesus. Love Jesus. Love Jesus…Love, Jesus. Love, Jesus. Love, Jesus.

As my prayers faded along with the words “Love Jesus,” all that remained at the bottom of the scroll was “Love, Jesus.”

Love, Jesus. His way of showing me that He heard my prayers, even the ones that I thought were too small to bring to Him. He heard them all. Like a signature at the bottom of a heart felt letter, He sealed my heart and soul with His promise.

Love, Jesus.