30 Days, 50,000 Words

So it is official. November is gearing up to be an interesting month. I have decided to take on the National Novel Writing Month challenge. I have 30 days write a novel. Well, really 30 days to hit 50,000 words. Freedom to create anything I want as long as I hit the word mark. It starts in less 90 minutes and I have no story idea whatsoever. I should be slightly freaking out about it but I am not. I think I need this challenge, this outlet of creativity, this set in stone deadline in order to get my act together.

I have no idea what this looks like but I have a goal in mind. 50,000 words. Nothing less. Clock is ticking. Pressure is on. I tend to work best under pressure anyway. I have written my best papers in just a couple of hours. Something about that finite deadline makes me focus that much more. I’m excited. With about 90 minutes until challenge starts, I can feel my thoughts spinning around in that familiar mass of chaos.

I remember getting these images in my mind a few months ago. I heard a voice playing like a voice over in a movie. Seedy hotel, flashes from neon lights, black finger nail polish, cigarette butts with traces of red lipstick. Feelings of regret, dismay, and hopelessness. I kept telling myself I should probably turn those thoughts into a short story but I slept on the idea.

Things happen in perfect timing so maybe now is the time.

50,000 words…

Ideas greatly appreciated.

Confessions Of A Slacker

I must confess. I have been slacking when it comes to putting pen to paper for this whole writing a book thing.

Why?

I don’t even have a good excuse why. Call it intentionally being distracted and too busy to get around to it. Call it doubting whether or not I am even supposed to do even though I am pretty sure God has given me more than one sign that this is a go. Call it being afraid to really go back to those moments in life where my story starts to unfold. Call it whatever.

I’m stalling.

But in true “get it together” style, God has a way of giving me the kick that I need to know that this is really what He wants me to do. Aside from slacking on getting this project off the ground, for whatever reason, I couldn’t get this editing assignment done that was well over a month over due. For that, I seriously either got distracted, side tracked and sometimes just plain forgot. When I did carve out time to do it, I could barely get past the first page before something else pulled at my attention.

Last night, as I was hosting my own personal pity party because I was feeling guilty about wasting so much precious time NOT focusing on this book thing, I decided to finish my editing assignment. As I skimmed through the pages of text, correcting grammar and spelling mistakes, I realize the message sounded quite familiar. At some point, I stopped reading it for error and started reading it for it’s content. God was speaking loud and clear to me through the words on my screen.

I was reading the sermon that  saved my life 2 years ago. I was reading the sermon that put me at the fork in the road to either choose life or choose death. I chose life.

I started reading the familiar words of a testimony that changed my life. I have listened to Angela’s words so many times that I can almost recall the story verbatim as she told it on stage. I can still see myself sitting at my desk on September 9, 2009 listening to that God on Mute message just hours before going to Fusion and giving my life to Christ. I was reliving that moment as I sat on the floor of my bedroom when I only intended to edit a sermon.

I needed that moment. I needed that reality check to bring me back to a place where I remember where I was and the freedom I received that all started from hearing one testimony. One story that was told well before I had even attended my first Fusion service but I just happened to listen to on that day that changed the course of my life for the better.

One story. Angela’s story. My story. Write it down and make it plain. Set the captives free with just a story. It’s just that simple, yet just that important. God has an interesting sense of humor and enjoys meeting me right in the midst of my stubborn disobedience. He gets me like no one else does and He knows just what to do to get me back on track. His track.

Let the writing begin…

Portrait of an INFJ

Today, a friend asked me to take the Myers Briggs Personality test. I have taken this test at least a dozen times thanks to being a psych major in undergrad and in a professional counseling program for my graduate degree. No matter how many times I take that test, no matter what stage of life I am in, it always comes out the same: INFJ. I’m introverted, intuitive, feeling and judging. For this personality type, people are usually classified as counselors, social workers, teachers, or lawyers. It’s funny because there are all the professions I have been interested in at some point in my life.

I googled INFJ just to get a little more info about the perception of people who possess my personality type and it’s quite interesting how accurate most are. This bit of information stuck out to me the most.

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get “feelings” about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people’s feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people’s opinions. They believe that they’re right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves – there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don’t believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

This personality profile describes me to the letter. I mean seriously accurate, especially the bold text. I am thinking back to the fact that yesterday, I listened to the prophetic message that was spoken over me back in June when I went to Daystar Church. I hadn’t listened to it in months but felt moved to listen to it again. I realized one of the women in the group said that I operate in the prophetic and I don’t realize it yet. She said that I am very in tuned to the spiritual realm. I realize I do navigate through life on my “intuition” which I realize is usually the Holy Spirit. I “see” or anticipate things before they happen, not in a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of way, but in a “I know what’s going to happen so let me prepare myself” kind of way. I tend to chalk it up to common sense but for whatever reason, other people don’t get my train of thought. It’s hard to put into words what it’s like “see” glimpses of what can be for people who I talk to but know that they aren’t living up to the level God has called them.

I have been dreaming more and to others, my dreams have been prophetic like the one I had about Victory World Music. I’ve had lots of dreams and visions over the years that I later realized did came true in one way or another. Never in my right mind would I have thought they were prophetic or even remotely meant anything. But it was in those dreams, those visions, those moments of being absolutely burden with empathy that I prayed and asked God to move…and He did. Crazy huh?

It’s amazing how God crafted me in my mother’s womb with this personality type that has remained unchanged. Since I was a kid, I have always had a heart for people. Always been the nurturer in the family. Always the introvert who operated out of emotions and gut feelings. Always the counselor, the teacher. Always battling this inner conflict. Always moving to the beat of my own drum that others didn’t seem to hear. Always expecting too much of myself but never compromising what I thought was right. God made me just the way He wanted me to be and no matter how much I got off course due to my own bad judgement, what He created was not changed. What He creates and orchestrates is nothing short of perfection. He truly does have a plan for each of us, a plan that won’t change no matter how much we jack things up. God gave me the gift of writing and I wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I got off track, followed my own agenda and over a decade later, God has brought me back to that plan that He had in place before I took my first breath.

God is amazing. The author of perfection and our own destiny. We are who we are for a reason. Our thought processes, our nuisances, our emotions, our gifts, talents all exist for a reason. The enemy has a way of exploiting what God made into something bad. But I rest assured know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). When you operate in His purpose, what was once used for wrong will be used to glorify the King.

What’s your personality type? Those 4 letters may mean more to you that you ever thought.

Save Me From Myself

Lately, I’ve have been on a mental hiatus. No new blog postings. Very little time on Facebook. I’m even contemplating deleting my page. I already don’t have cable anymore so I feel like I reached a point where I needed to purge myself of some distractions in order to get my footing again. Lately, I have felt like I have been lost in the shuffle of life. Kinda like I have been operating on autopilot for a few weeks and I am about to run out of steam.

Some days, I feel myself being pulled in a hundred different directions when all I want to do is stand still. I’m wearing all of my hats at one time in an effort to be everything for everyone…except myself. So in times like this, I check out. I mean for real check out. I am very much an on the go person and often times, I neglect my own well being in order to be there for others who may need me. Common sense tells me that is not the smartest approach to life but I am a nurturer and servant at heart. Some days the lines that separate sanity and insanity start to blur…today might be one of those days.

All I could manage to say was “God, save me from myself.”

Most days, it’s not the enemy we are fighting. It’s ourselves. It’s our own agenda. It’s our own bad judgement. It’s our own fleshly desires. It’s our own self-destructive tendencies. It’s us.

I’m okay with admitting my faults. I’m okay with being transparent and admitting that most days I feel like I don’t have it together. I am okay admitting that it is seriously the grace and will of God that I can function at half capacity and still seem to carry out His business. Jesus is my source of strength. He is my Savior. My road map down the roads less traveled. My beacon of hope. My encouragement. My reason for pushing past the foggy haze. He has some amazing things waiting for me on the other side and I will make it there if I let Him continue to save me from my imperfect ways.

One of my favorite songs is Save Me From Myself by Christina Aguilera. She sang this for her then fiancée’ and now ex husband about how he saved her from her crazy life. I sometimes play it and envision myself singing those same lyrics to Jesus, my own personal Savior who saved me from my own self more times that I can imagine.

Friends. How Many Of Us Have Them?

Friend: one attached to another by affection or esteem.

That is what a friend is according to Webster’s Dictionary. When placed in that context, many of us have a pretty lengthy list of friends. We have plenty of people we like to hang out with, socialized with, party with, travel with, etc. We shares laughs, occasional tears, and milestones in our lives.

But would you call them all your friends? I mean real friends? Would they still be your friend if that knew “that” thing about you?

We have people who are important for various areas of our lives. You have your friends you hit the clubs and parties up with. You have your friends that you can go to nice restaurants with (usually not the people you club with). You have the people who you can have a stimulating conversation with because they actually crack open a book that most people would not consider a magazine. You have the friends that are down to ride out and cause chaos because someone disrespected you.

But do you have those friends that pray for you without asking? Do you have friends that challenge you to be a better person? Do you have friends that will give you their last if you were in need? Do you have friends that will ask you those tough questions because they genuinely care, not because they want to be all in your business? Do you have friends that you can really, truly be completely honest with? Share you darkest moments with? Do you have friends that encourage you to pursue God’s will and make sure you stay on track? Do you have friends that you truly do life with, striving to please God while hold each other accountable?

After hearing Pastor D’s message this morning, I had to stop and think about the people who are closest to me. I tend to use the term friend somewhat often because I do have my close circle of friends, but I also have a community of people who I am surrounded by that I do share life with thanks to my young adult ministry, Fusion. Whether close friends or just people I know from Fusion, these are truly people that I know I can count on to:

Pray for me when I am struggling. Visit me in the hospital with my sick kid. Help me pack up my house and move. Invest time in my boys. Challenge me to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. Call me out if I am slacking in my leadership. Celebrate birthdays with me. Grab coffee with me at midnight because I need to talk. Dress up and go to fancy dinners with me. Have 7AM Beth Moore bible studies on Saturday mornings with me. Spend hours in the Furnace in prayer and worship with me. Go to Loca Luna 3 Tuesdays out of a month just because I need a good laugh. Talk sense into me when I am spazzing out. Make sure I confront people in love and not out of anger. Bless me with small gifts because God told them to. Give me gas money because someone stole my debit card. Donate money for my life changing mission trip even though they are unemployed. Keep me accountable even when I don’t want them too. Check me if I am crushing on a guy in the wrong way. Constantly ask me “how’s the book going” as a reminder to stay in step with God’s will for me. Remind me to not worry about anything and pray about everything. Encourage me to always do things with excellence. Share valuable pearls of wisdom to help me be the best leader I can be. Love me because I am their sister in Christ.

I am reminded today just how blessed I really am. Not everyone can say they have friends that will be with them when they are at their worst or even consistently be with them when they are at their best. It’s a sad thing for me to hear people I know from my church or just around the way that are struggling in private because they had to find out the hard way who their real friends were. When it all hits the fan, most people show their level of love and commitment to you. I figured if people are friend enough to help you engage in sin, they should be friend enough to sticky by you when you are having a hard time.

God is certainly getting me to a place where I need to realize that everyone is not as fortunate as me. Everyone doesn’t have that go to person or circle of friends that will guide them and keep them on the narrow path. So many people I know are just surrounded by people but know they really can’t depend on them when they really need their help. Being lonely while being in a crowd of people is the worst feeling in the world. I am learning to be more intentional about opening up my circle to other people and even reaching out to people who I know may need that extra person in their cheering section.

Take some time to evaluate the people you call friend. Ask yourself if they are adding value and purpose to your life or just entertainment. Ask yourself if they will really be your friend if they knew every dark secret you harbor. Ask yourself if they will really be there when you are at your lowest point.

Friends. How many of us really have them?

Visit From An Angel…?

Believe it or not, I was that kid that was obsessed with ghosts and the paranormal. I remember watching horror movies and reading every haunted house book I could find in my local library. I was fascinated with the idea that people had passed on but decided to linger around a while longer making things go bump in the night. Growing up in my hometown of Columbus, MS, we were ”fortunate” enough to have many local ghost stories and haunted houses that kept kids and adults entertained.

Many of our local legends include the story of the 3 legged lady, the confederate solider in Friendship Cemetary, the ghost named Mary that haunts Calloway Hall at the MUW, the ghost named Nellie at Errolton Plantation, and of course the infamous Waverly Plantation. Waverly is a very popular tourist spot and was also a stop on the PGA tour some years back. For Columbus natives, its one of the usual field trip locations for grade school kids. I remember visiting with my class in junior high school and keeping my eyes and ears opened in hopes of catching a glimpse of the little girl who supposedly roams the grounds. Every tour guide swore they had an encounter with the little girl at one point or another. They re-told accounts of hearing her crying, seeing an imprint of her sleeping in one of the beds, or catching a glimpse the ribbons in her hair as she played out in the gardens. I never experienced anything weird on my many visits while growing up, but I certainly believed she was there lurking in the shadows hoping someone would play with her.

By the time I reached 8th grade, my delight in all things spooky had reached a new level: I wanted a Ouija board. Crazy, I know. I was determined to find a way to communicate with the spirit world but my mother refused to allow me to have one. In typical adolescent rebellion, I figured I would save up the $14, find a way to K-Mart and buy one on my own. Every dime and quarter I found or could bum off someone, I saved towards my Ouija board. My younger brother and sister thought I was a nut case since it was all I talked about. In my reasoning, they just didn’t understand how cool it would be to hear from “the other side” so of course they had no idea what they were talking about.

Neither did I.

One Saturday afternoon, my little brother, sister and I were home alone when there was a knock on the door. An average looking man wearing a white shirt, blue jeans, a light jacket, and a baseball cap stood in the door way and asked if my dad was home. I replied no and told him that he should come back that evening when he would be home from work. He told me that he was a friend of my dad and asked if I was his daughter Tiffany (my childhood nickname), the girl who wanted the Ouija board. My eyes lit up in hopes that I had an ally in convincing my mom to just get me one so I could stop stressing out about saving for one. The man sat on the couch and listened while I rambled on and on about how cool it was going to be when I get it. When I finally caught my breath, he took on a serious tone and told me that getting a Ouija board was not a good idea. He said that it would open up a door to allow bad spirits into my home that could do a lot of harm. Despite how fun they seem on TV and movies, the Ouija board was nothing to play around with. He told me that I should talk to God more and let Him show me things that were far more entertaining than any creepy Ouija board. For whatever reason, I believed him. My desire to dabble in the paranormal was now at zero and I wasn’t quite sure why his short speech made me reconsider my obsession.

The man stood, walked out of the door and told me to tell my day he stopped by. About 2 seconds after I closed the door behind him, I realized I didn’t get his name even though we had just had a 10 minute long conversation in my living room. I opened the door and stood on my porch expecting to see him still walking down the long walkway from my house to the main sidewalk since only a moment had passed since he walked out of my house.

But he was gone.

Now from the location of my house, I had a clear view of almost the entire neighborhood. My front yard was huge, completely open, no place to hide and I could see the entire block going in either direction. It would literally take someone about 6-7 minutes going in either direction before they were completely out of sight. Same thing for my back yard area. One massive field of grass that separate the set of homes on my street and the set of homes of the opposite street. No where to hide.

But he was gone. No where in sight. From the time I closed the door behind him, opened it back up and stepped onto my porch was literally about 30 seconds. But he was gone.

To this day, I can’t really explain what happen to the man who talked me out of buying a Ouija board. Even my dad had no clue who he was based on my description. Yet, I am thankful for the encounter. He stopped me from traveling down a path that was so far from God. Since that time, I never looked at ghosts and spirits the same. My curiosity waned until it was just an after thought. Though I still watched scary movies and loved a good fright, I never let my interest go past the movie screen.

After retelling my story to a friend last night, she concluded that I was visited by a messenger angel. An angel that came with specific purpose…to keep me from going down a path of supernatural darkness that may have kept me from experiencing the greatness of God. I had a strange peace after our conversation and I was kinda surprised at how easily he changed my mind. When I think back, his presence was so welcoming and calming. Before I knew any better, I was inviting him into my living room with no question or hesitation (not a typical move mind you).  Hebrews 13:2 says “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Whether an angel or just a strange encounter I can’t explain, I am thankful.

What God Joins Together…Not You

Just a week or two ago, I was sitting at my desk and the most random Bible verse popped into my head.”

“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:9

Random, right? Maybe…?

I tried to write about when the thought came, but the words escaped me. It wasn’t the right time I realized. I saw this same verse posted on Facebook and so I revisited the idea. I found it odd that the verse came to mind considering the fact that at the time, I wasn’t thinking about marriage, relationships, boys or God. I was at work…working. The verse lingered for a few days so since I could not easily dismiss it, I figured it was a message from God. I bounced the verse off of a couple of close friends to get their take on it and the consensus was pretty much the same.

“It’s the marriage verse. What God puts together, let no man try to separate it. Period.”

I started to really wonder what message I was supposed take from this simple, yet meaningful verse. If God put two people together, surely He will cover them so they can withstand attacks. But if God didn’t have a hand in two people joining together, then am I right in saying they won’t have that same level of covering to withstand attacks?

Now, I was getting the hint.

I am surrounded by couples, whether married, courting or dating (there is a difference!). Now that I have embraced the idea of getting married in the future, I sometimes wonder when my time will come. It’s never really more than thoughts and far from a desperate obsession, but I am sure there are others that are a bit more anxious about marriage than I am. We are wired to crave attention and affection and all too often, we throw caution to the wind and seek relationships that God never intended for us to enter. We get into the mindset that maybe God needs a hand in finding us a mate so we pursue them on our own instead of allowing Him to lead the way.

We are taught to be patient and wait on God, to not worry about anything and pray about everything when it comes to life decisions. Why wouldn’t the same rules apply when it comes to relationships and marriage? Why is it that we will wait on God for job decisions, money decisions, who to pray for in Wal-Mart decisions, but we operate on our own accord when it comes to matters of the heart? If the verse says “What God joins together, let no man separate” why not rest assured that there is a little extra assurance that a God appointed union will be stronger than a union we piece together ourselves.

Considering the fact that our sin and bad choices throughout life is what prompts us to rely on God’s grace and forgiveness, maybe we should be leaving the matchmaking up to the Expert.

At the end of the day, God knows the desires of our heart. He understands our desire for an earthly husband or wife. He doesn’t need constant reminders nor does He need our help. He doesn’t need for us to pick out someone and ask Him to bless it. He wants us to be still until He has given His blessing. He wants us to trust Him and know that He has His absolute best waiting for us when He says the time is right. When we rush His plan and timing, we make mistakes. We ignore red flags. We follow our deceitful heart and ignore the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. We compromise for the sake of affection. We settle for what we can get, not what God knows we deserve.

What God joins together, let no man separate. Not every union is joined together because of God. Too many people enter relationships thinking that God joined them together, when He had nothing to do with it. If the relationships is causing you to pain, anger, emotional turmoil, sexual sin or causes you to draw away from Him, it’s a safe bet that He was not in it to begin with. What God orchestrates, He protects, He covers, He blesses.

Wait.

Confessions of a Reject

One of the most dangerous prayers you can pray to God is the one I have been praying a lot lately. I’ve felt like I have been in somewhat of a funk lately. My creativity has been stifled, my thoughts cloudy, and the different projects that I am working on have been at somewhat of a stand still. So I asked God a simple question:

“Search my heart for any areas of my life that are not right with you.”

And in true creator of the universe style, God obliged.

I have been wrestling with weird feelings of disconnection and random dreams lately, many of which I can probably safely say are messages from God. I tend to think my dreams consist of random output from my daily life. Yet, as busy as my days are nowadays, you would think I would be dreaming about lesson plans, small group, accountability agendas, book chapters, play dates, laundry, grocery shopping, and teenage angst. Instead they have been subtle messages telling me to stop and listen and allow Him to be all the things I am searching for. Dismissing, the messages at just random dreams, I hear this on my ride to work this morning:

“You have been filling up your schedule with things to keep you busy so you won’t have to deal with rejection. Slow down and open your eyes.”

Sigh. He knows me so well.

I love what I do. I love the fulfillment that comes with being active in ministry. I love helping young believers grow in their faith and boldness.  I love helping women get to a place of security and worth in Christ. Yet, there are times when my days and nights can fill up with stuff that it gives me an excuse to put my own hang ups on the back burner. This would be one of those times.

Rejection. Do I still struggle with rejection? I could have sworn I was all whole and healed from that. For the most part, I am. Seriously. But I have realized that as my level of responsibility has increased, the number of people around me has increased as well. I have began to develop new relationships and friendships with people and I have noticed I have been guarded a bit. Though I feel comfortable around them, I tend to not show all there is to me out of fear of them not really understanding me. I find myself being cautious about what I say, how I act, almost like I am being on my best behavior to keep up that good impression.

I feel like I am not being authentic. I feel like I am hiding the real me. I feel that familiar feeling of rejection setting in. From a person who prides themselves on being an open book, I can feel myself folding back some of the pages. But I know better.

I am an over-comer, no longer a reject. I have a renewed mind and can tell when the enemy is trying to play against my thoughts and past issues. I have friends that pull me aside and remind me that with a new level of authority comes more schemes of the enemy. Attempting to create a chasm between myself and the people that God has placed in my path to guide me is his latest trick. Rejection and shame are in my past and certainly have no place in my present or future. I asked God to search my heart for things that were not right and He found it.

I’m learning to balance life and the weight that comes along with being a leader. I am learning to listen to Him and to accept the responsibility and rewards that come along with the job. I am learning to slow down and not miss out on the little blessings that He is leaving along the way.  I reject the lies the enemy tries to plant but I refuse to reject all that God has for me.

Confessions of a former reject.

Do What You Love, Love What You Do

Right now, the world is mourning the death of Steve Jobs, a modern day visionary and technological genius. His Apple products have revolutionized the way we use media and technology. Though I have yet, to jump on the Apple bandwagon (I don’t even use iTunes-commence throwing tomatoes), I can’t help but admire his innovative leadership and live life to the fullest attitude. In 2005, Jobs gave the commencement speech for the graduating class at Stanford University, a speech that has made it’s way back into the limelight, thanks to its inspirational carpe diem tone.

One of my favorite inserts from the speech struck a chord in my heart because the idea is very similar to the whispering God has been doing in my ear lately. He says

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what it is you do.”

There is so much truth in that short statement. Doing something that you truly love will be the most satisfying use of your time than anything else. Doing what God has called you to do is even better. I am pretty certain that pursuing God’s purpose for your life will be that satisfying type of work that Steve Jobs was talking about. God already promises to make the pursuit of His will worth while. Jeremiah 29:11 says  ”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That’s pretty much a money back guarantee kind of promise.

If you want to live a life that is full of hope and a bright future, turn to God and find out what He has planned.  Any path that leads to Him will lead to life of you loving what you do and doing what you love.  Even though Steve Jobs was a Buddhist, God was still able to work His message into the fundamentals principles of his life. Hopefully others will be inspired to seek Christ in order to do what they love and love what they do.

A Psalm for Singles

If there were any specific places in the Bible that men and women should turn their hearts towards during their single days, I would believe that one of them is Psalm 37. This chapter has been popping up everywhere I turn for weeks now and I finally sat down and really dissected what it says.

Right on time stuff!

Being a single girl myself, there are days when I start to think about when my time will come and what I should be doing right now while I am “waiting” on The One. We have all had those moments when we wonder why someone who didn’t “do it the right way” seems to still find their happily ever after while we are trying to patiently wait on God without putting our own hand in the process. I sometimes have to remind myself that God really doesn’t need my help when it comes to relationships and the sort, but there are plenty who still do believe they need to give God a hand to speed things along. He created the universe, so a husband should be a piece of cake.

After breaking down Psalm 37 with my small group, I started to see this as that “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” type of message. There are plenty of people who prosper when it comes to relationships, careers, education, finances, etc. But, just because they seem successful, doesn’t mean that God blessed it or even had anything to do with it. Our flesh wants what it wants and many times we follow our own desires instead of waiting on God to give us directions on who to marry and what careers to take. When we follow our own will and not the will of God, there is always a price to pay.

So singles, if you find yourself wondering if being patient and waiting on God is worth it, it is. Just because stepping outside of God’s will to find a mate seemed like it worked for someone else, know that God has a greater love story in the works for you. The grass may not always be greener on the other side but God promises to grant the desires of the heart to those who commit themselves to Him. Don’t envy people who seem to benefit from following their own path and not God’s path for them. God has already promised not to forsake His righteous. Never let the words or actions of others who aren’t firm in Christ sway you to go against what you know is right. Remember the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and He uses those he can easily influence to try to tempt you with sin.  God sees every time you honor Him in your heart, your mind and body and trust me, He is pleased. Stand firm in your faith and on His word and allow Him to prove Himself faithful.

Psalm 37 

¹ Do not fret because of those who are evil
   or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
   like green plants they will soon die away.

 ³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun.

 ⁷ Be still before the LORD
   and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
   when they carry out their wicked schemes.

 ⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
   do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹ For those who are evil will be destroyed,
   but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

 ¹⁰ A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
   though you look for them, they will not be found.
¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land
   and enjoy peace and prosperity.

 ¹² The wicked plot against the righteous
   and gnash their teeth at them;
¹³ but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
   for he knows their day is coming.

 ¹⁴ The wicked draw the sword
   and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
   to slay those whose ways are upright.
¹⁵ But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
   and their bows will be broken.

 ¹⁶ Better the little that the righteous have
   than the wealth of many wicked;
¹⁷ for the power of the wicked will be broken,
   but the LORD upholds the righteous.

 ¹⁸ The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care,
   and their inheritance will endure forever.
¹⁹ In times of disaster they will not wither;
   in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

 ²⁰ But the wicked will perish:
   Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
   they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

 ²¹ The wicked borrow and do not repay,
   but the righteous give generously;
²² those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
   but those he curses will be destroyed.

 ²³ The LORD makes firm the steps
   of the one who delights in him;
²⁴ though he may stumble, he will not fall,
   for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

 ²⁵ I was young and now I am old,
   yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
   or their children begging bread.
²⁶ They are always generous and lend freely;
   their children will be a blessing.^[b]

 ²⁷ Turn from evil and do good;
   then you will dwell in the land forever.
²⁸ For the LORD loves the just
   and will not forsake his faithful ones.

   Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed^[c];
   the offspring of the wicked will perish.
²⁹ The righteous will inherit the land
   and dwell in it forever.

 ³⁰ The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
   and their tongues speak what is just.
³¹ The law of their God is in their hearts;
   their feet do not slip.

 ³² The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
   intent on putting them to death;
³³ but the LORD will not leave them in the power of the wicked
   or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

 ³⁴ Hope in the LORD
   and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
   when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

 ³⁵ I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
   flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
³⁶ but he soon passed away and was no more;
   though I looked for him, he could not be found.

 ³⁷ Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
   a future awaits those who seek peace.^[d]
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
   there will be no future^[e]for the wicked.

 ³⁹ The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
   he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
⁴⁰ The LORD helps them and delivers them;
   he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
   because they take refuge in him.