Sheep or Goat?

There are days when I cannot give enough praise to my community of friends God has blessed me with through church and my young adult ministry. I have people in my circle that I consider closer than family because I know that without a moment of hesitation, they are truly there for me and my boys. Simple gestures like bringing me dinner late at night while I was in the hospital with my sick kid or just randomly blessing me with a gift card because it was on their heart lets me know how deep their heart for helping others runs. From the men around me that take time to hang out with my 13-year-old and show him what it looks like to be a man after God’s own heart to the moms that just share meals and laughs with all of our kids running around, this is how rich my life is.

Lately, I have thought about the degree to which I pay it forward. For those that have blessed me, would I do the same in return? My answer is absolutely. Most days I have to restrain my desire to save the world. It’s not because I have this “works” mentality, but because I genuinely believe in allowing God to use me to be a blessing to someone else. If I have a friend that has no food, I would share what I have. If I have a friend that needs money, I would give what I can. Having a servant’s heart makes me want to do for others just as a small testament to what God has done for me. I try not to pass up a chance to show someone that there are people in the world who still have the Father’s heart and reaches out to them. Even if all I have is an encouraging word to share.

When thinking of the words to write for this entry, God brought me to this passage in Matthew 25:31-46 which says:

 ³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

   ³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

   ³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

   ⁴⁰“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

   ⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

   ⁴⁴“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

   ⁴⁵“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

   ⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

I had to stop and think about whether I would be a goat or a sheep. I thought  about how most people would think they are sheep when they are really goats.   How often have we passed up a chance to do something for the least of these because we were too busy to even notice them? Maybe we were too self absorbed with our own life to notice the people around us. Maybe we chose our own comfort over helping someone. Maybe we didn’t think that the pay off was worth the effort.  

Whatever your reason is for not helping the least of these, check your heart behind your decisions.  I’m sure we can all recount a time someone came through for us, whether it was from the kindness of their heart or a God appointed encounter. When you can, do. Even when you don’t have it to give, pray. What you do for the least of these, you do for the King.

Why Young Christians Aren’t Waiting Anymore

Ran across this article on CNN about why young Christians aren’t waiting on marriage to have sex. My first thought was the fact that many have strayed away from Romans 12:2 and have indeed conformed to the ways of the world. Sad, but true. With people putting off marriage until they are older, many feel there is no point in waiting if they may not get married until well into their 30s or 40s.

What are your thoughts?

Lecrae – I Am Second

Lecrae – I Am Second.

I am a big fan of the I Am Second movement. I have watched many of the video testimonies and been absolutely inspired by the stories. The video by Lecrae is one that I have been anticipating since I heard they were releasing it soon. I am such a fan of Lecrae’s musical style and heart stirring lyrics. I grew up listening to hip hop music so finding a Christian artist that could probably go toe to toe with many of the big named artist today was huge.

Watch his video, check out his music (Rehab is my favorite album), and follow the I Am Second movement.

Only For A Moment

Right now, I am sitting in the hospital room with my sleeping 5 year-old  listening to him breathe a little louder than normal. I am watching his chest sink in a little deeper than normal as his little lungs work a little harder to push air in and out. I can hear the wheezing sounds from across the room. I am watching the numbers on his pulse oxygen monitor fluctuate slightly as he turns around in bed, exerting more energy than normal. This is a familiar scene to me since my little one and I have been down this road a time or two, or three.  A tickle in his throat that turns into a slight cough, that turns into a more frequent cough, that is then coupled with the sounds of congestion, that then causes his chest to sound like paper crumpling inside his rib cage, that then becomes a struggle to breath.

I am the mom of an asthmatic child.

I am one of the lucky ones though. His asthma is not chronic and for the most part is control by regular nebulizer treatments. No inhaler to carry around, no limitations on physical activities. But at least once a year Aiden ends up being admitted to the hospital for a few days because of respiratory distress, a nice way to say asthma attack.

I was a little surprised to get the call from his dad to say he was at the hospital because Aiden usually only has problems in the spring time, not at the start of fall. I immediately went into planning mode: Don’t freak out. You’ve been here before. Find someone to watch Gavin. Make sure the dog has food and has been walked. Grab his most current meds, a change of clothes, books to read, laptop, phone charger. Stay calm. Text your boss to let him know you wont be in tomorrow. Don’t forget Aiden’s meds and his favorite toy. Change out of your heels and put on flip flops. Get change for the vending machine. Make a Starbucks run. Be prepared to not sleep for at least 48 hours.  Call his school in the morning. Stay calm. Don’t scare Gavin. Hold it together.

Everything was fine. I had everything on my mental checklist done. Hadn’t forgotten anything (except dinner I later realized). I was 1/2 a mile from my house about to head to the hospital when I was caught at a red light. For whatever reason, that red light made me stop my car and stop the 1,001 thoughts running in my mind. For those brief moments, everything stopped and my emotions caught up with me. I am great at holding it together, operating in a forward motion that doesn’t allow me time to actually panic or lose it. But that red light made everything stop and I came face to face with my emotions.

And I lost it.

I cried. I panicked. I prayed. I was a mess.

But only for a moment.

The light turned green.

I pulled myself together.

I put on the brave face, hit the highway, and rushed to sit in bed and make glove people with my sick little one.

Coughing, beeping machines, silent prayers and the sound of paper crumbling in my kid’s chest would be my sound track for the evening.

Letters To A Stranger

I am finally settling into the reality that I am finally comfortable with the idea of getting married.

Kinda. Yeah. Maybe.

I am the type of girl who grew up with no concept of marriage. My parents never married, my grandmother divorced before I was born and never remarried. My aunts never married (nothing but women in my family). My brother and younger sister are married but that didn’t happen until I was an adult and they live in other states. I had friends that grew up in two parent households but I never saw the inner workings of their marriage aside from the mundane “What’s for dinner?” or “The sink is leaking” type of interactions.

As I got older and dated guys, I never really thought much about getting married. It was never an issue for me. I was okay with the girlfriend title, the living together thing because that’s all I really knew. Even as my friends got married off and started to create life long memories, rarely did I sit and fantasize about my own trip down the aisle or ask “why isn’t it my turn?” Just maintaining a dating relationship was hard enough. After sitting down to talk with them about how married life was, very few had anything good to say. They eventually all dealt with issues like finances, infidelity, broken trust, loss of interest in each other, and for some, divorce.

The idea of getting married was becoming less and less appealing.

After deciding to take some time off (2 years now) from the dating scene, getting my relationship with Christ up to par, and learning to be happy as a single person, my idea of marriage started to change. I saw the beauty in godly relationships and marriages. I saw couples that actually loved each other and were stronger in their purpose because of their marriage. I saw husbands honor their wives by guarding her heart and upholding her purity while courting. I saw wives submit to their husbands and respect them as the leader of their household. I saw marriage as a lasting covenant with God and not a contract that could be breached when things stop being fulfilling.

Lately, I noticed that God has been downloading a lot of thoughts into my head and heart about my single season. He has shown me how far I have come with Him after deciding to forsake the desires of my heart to follow Him. I have done more in the last 2 years with Christ than I have in all the years without Him. Now, I feel myself really embracing the desire for marriage with my heart and head. I’ve desired marriage for the companionship aspect but now I am understanding marriage for the purpose driven aspect. God has a purpose for each one of us but there are things that He reserves for the married couples. He allows for more to be done through them as a couple that can’t be accomplished to the same magnitude as a single. I have seen couples that have gotten married and their union has made them stronger in their calling.

What’s not to love about that?

With this change in mindset and transition into season, I feel the need to make sure I am making note of all that is going on. I bought a box of stationary earlier this year that I thought was intended for another project. But as I stared at the box for the past 2 days on my dresser, I felt the need to start writing letters. Letters to a stranger.

Letters to my future husband.

I have wrestled with this idea for a while now because I thought it was kinda cheesy. Yet, after recently reading the book Praying for Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart for His (a clear sign that I have really settled into the idea of getting married), I realized that lots of women have written letters to their future husbands to present to him after they get married. It’s like giving him the gift of reading about how I thought about him, prayed about and for him and honored him in purity before we even met.

Let the writing begin.

 

You Found Me…

If I had to pick a soundtrack for my life, it would be The Fray’s “You Found Me.” I remember reading an article from the lead singer who said that he wrote the song when he was going through a difficult time. He had lost a friend to suicide and was questioning God, asking “where were you” when his life was falling apart. He realized that even when life is crumbling around him and nothing made sense, God still found him.

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, “Where you been?” He said, “Ask anything”

Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who’s ever known
Who I am, who I’m not and who I wanna be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!

The early morning, the city breaks
And I’ve been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want!

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!

Why’d you have to wait to find me, to find me?

There have been plenty of times when I wondered where God was in the midst of the chaos in my life. I know now that He has always been there, keeping His hand close to me to draw me back to Him. I took the wide road of destruction in most instances but God still saw fit to chase me down and put me on the narrow, less traveled path that lead to Him. He has met me many nights while I was lying on my floor trying to piece together what I had broken.

But He found me. He found me.

 

Prophetic Dream…?

I have been dreaming a lot lately and I am not quite sure why.  My dreams are rather random most days but the frequency of more detailed dreams that I can remember days later is increasing. My friend Aline posted a status on Facebook a while back that said “My dreams are weird but none of them are prophetic.” I tend to think none of mine are prophetic either, mainly because I don’t know how to interpret them.  I can assume all day what they mean but I tend to be skeptical of my own conclusions unless God gives me a grand revelation.

I couple of nights ago, I had a dream about the new music ministry at my church called Victory World Music. Right now locally, the single Shake Heaven is one of the most requested songs on the Christian music stations…a pretty big deal. They performed at this huge Christian concert called Celebrate Freedom which included popular acts like Switchfoot, The Newsboys, Sidewalk Prophets, and Jason Castro. My church is very excited about how God is lining things up but since I am so used to the music, it’s not something I think about on a daily basis. Until I had the following dream the other night:

My dream starts off with a bunch of news stories and sound bites all about Victory World Music. Apparently, the ministry had become this international sensation and the music was being played all over the world. The dream switched and I am walking along the sidewalk towards the main entrance of the my church. I notice a bunch of news vans parked outside with news reports prepping like they are about to do a live feed. I walk through the double doors of the church and I see what looks like the entire congregation standing in the lobby. My church has about 10,000 members and it was probably that many people in the lobby. They were lined up next to each other holding hands and the rows of people stretched from the each wing of the building all the way into the sanctuary, filling the rows of  stadium seats, the stairs, all the way to floor seating. I stand in amazement at the amount of people there and I realize they are all praying to themselves. Everyone was facing the double doors, heads were bowed and it was completely silent in the building.

I looked around the lobby for a minute then turn around to look outside to see if the news people notice there were thousands of people inside. When I looked out the glass doors, I saw what looked like millions of people flooding the parking lot. I could see flashes from cameras, people shouting, people knocking on the doors to get in. The crowd looked like what I imagine a mob of Justin Bieber fans would look like as they are waiting for the concert doors to open. As many people as it was that were outside trying to get in, the lobby was still completely silent. It was like the doors were sound proof.

I turned back around and walked towards the crowd. I stood next to a lady wearing a yellow Nigerian outfit complete with long, fitted yellow dress and a huge yellow headdress. I held her hand, bowed my head and prayed in silence. At some point, everyone stopped praying at the same time and we lifted our heads to look out the glass doors at the crowd. Pastor Dennis walked out from among the crowd towards the doors. He stops at the entrance door  that has hanging overhead the scripture Mark 16:15 which says, ““Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”  He points at the scripture and all 10,000 pairs of eyes look towards the scripture and soak in the message. The doors of the church all open up and as the sea of people standing outside pour into the building, a bright white light pours in as well and all I see is white until I wake up.

 

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

So I am going to safely say that God has been speaking to me about obedience lately. I sometimes struggle with stepping out on faith and doing what God says for me to do. Usually it’s a stubborn pride thing but for the most part, it’s out of fear. I am very much a big picture person. My need to know what the end result will be as well as the details along the journey, helps keep my neurotic control freak at bay. But for someone who knows that God is not in the business of giving the wide-angle shots of your life, it’s no shock that most days I am constantly being forced out of my comfort zone.

I attended corporate prayer for the first time this past Saturday morning. It was a God appointment for sure because I have been “trying” to make it every Saturday for the past year but getting up at 7AM on a Saturday morning just isn’t appealing unless it’s a Beth Moore bible study. I checked my stress and reservations at the door and immersed myself in early morning worship. As Pastor Dennis lead us in prayer, I felt like God was saying “I’m glad you finally came. I have something for you. Listen.”  And I did.

My ears perked up when Pastor D prayed that people understand that obedience is better than sacrifice. I needed to hear that based on my typical hesitations when it comes to doing what He says to do. It’s an easy concept to grasp. Do what God says. Period. No negotiations or reasonings needed. Just do it because 10 times out of 10, it’s for a good reason. Yet, the human aspect of my existence is wired to have doubt about things that are unseen. I am working on releasing myself from the worry of not knowing what the next step is or what the end result will look like. I am learning to rest assured that if what I am commanded to do is truly a God thing, He will work out all the details.

I should be used to the fact that God has shown me time and time again the benefits of being obedient as well as the consequences of having to sacrifice because I wasn’t. He has come through for me in the most unexpecting and supernatural ways when I decide to finally say “yes” instead of dragging my feet. Just like with this whole writing a book thing, I had 101 reasons why I couldn’t do it  and how it wouldn’t work out but as soon as I said yes God started to supply the how.

I have to remind myself that anything that I do that is of God is for a reason. It may not be meant to help me personally but to use me to reach someone else. When I decide not to obey, I am running the risk of not reaching the person that needs that message from God the most. I am sacrificing someone else’s blessing because I wasn’t comfortable. Just earlier this month, I seriously had it in my head that I was going to hang up my leadership hat and pursue my agenda. I felt like that was what I needed to do to get to the next stage in my life. I should have known that my decision was rooted in my own selfish desires but I justified it. I figured that God wants me to be the most well rounded and spiritually healthy person I can be so that means letting go of my responsibilities and pursuing other avenues. Thankfully, He saw fit to call me out on my “me” mindset and allowed me to have a day where I saw first hand just how vital my role was in the place that I am. At the end of the day, I realized that my disobedience would have sacrificed a lot of people’s journey with Christ.  None of this is about me and my comfort or my desires. Sure, God knows the things I want out of life but that has to take a back seat when it comes to Kingdom business. It’s about this purpose that is bigger than me. I would much rather be obedient and uncomfortable to expand the Kingdom of Heaven that be disobedient and expand the number of inhabitants in Hell.

I have settled into the idea that obedience certainly doesn’t mean comfort by any stretch of the imagination. Obedience will probably require me to do things that are so far off base for me, it’s not even funny. But with obedience, there is always a reward. God sees everything thought that we have and action that we take in accordance with His will. He gets the greatest joy when we follow Him, even in our own uncertainty.

Sexual Sin and Soul Ties

This video from the Passion For Christ Movement’s Lyric’s Lounge is by far my favorite. I first came across this video pearl of wisdom not to long after coming back to church and it was right on time. I had only heard mention of the term soul ties in the sermon that helped paved the way for me to accept Christ. That night, Pastor Johnson had anyone who struggled with soul ties because of previous relationships, unhealthy friendship or sexual sin, pray a prayer to severe the connections. I remember praying the prayer and feeling a sense of freedom. I was speaking out against any ungodly emotional and spiritual connections I had made that I should not have. I still have a copy of the prayer in a journal that I go back to on occasions when my mind starts to romanticize my past.

Sexual sin is the sure-fire way to create soul ties that many spend a lifetime battling. We chase worldly love which says that sex outside of marriage is okay. Worldly love says that love is blind and we should just follow our hearts and be satisfied in our flesh. Following a heart that is deceitful above all things usually results in sex that will leave you more empty than when you arrived. Yet, the flesh wants what it wants and we rationalize with the sin until we buy into the idea that at some point, sex and warm bodies will fill that God sized hole that you have. Been there, done that.

Sex is intended for pleasures inside of marriage so that the man and woman can become joined together as one. Their souls become knit together and create a strong spiritual and emotional connection. Their hearts, mind and emotions become intertwined; they truly become one flesh. But if you are having sex with someone who is not your husband or wife, you are still creating those strong connections. In most cases, the relationship eventually ends but with both hearts are still intertwined. The demise of that relationship means that somehow, those two hearts that have become one have to be ripped apart, leaving remnants of him embedded in her heart and remnants of her embedded in his.  Sexual sin and heartbreak usually go hand in hand.  As you move on from one relationship to the next, that damaged heart is still being ripped apart every time you give it away to an undeserving person, leaving pieces with whomever you had the unfortunate pleasure of created a soul tie with.

So many people wonder why they can’t let go of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends well after the relationship has ended. It’s because they left part of their heart and soul on their bed sheets. They created a soul tie with someone they were not meant to connect with on that level. God never intended for us to be so careless and reckless with our hearts and bodies, though we trade pleasing  Him for pleasing ourselves.  So many marriages crumble because two people with incomplete hearts and souls get together and try to make it work. I’m sure no bride wants to present her heart and body to her husband on her wedding day with pieces of her exes still attached.

Sexual sin and soul ties cause a space between us and God. As we turn our heart towards the sin, we turn it away from true Lover of our soul. As the chasm between us and God widens, the conviction we should feel while being immersed in sexual escapades become less and less apparent. That God sized hole never gets filled no matter how much sex and sin we burden ourselves with.  But when sex stops being satisfying, running from person to person stops being satisfying, staying in unhealthy relationships because the connection is so strong stops being satisfying, He is still there. He is always faithful in His promise to never leave you, to never hurt you, to always provide for you, to always protect you, to always fulfil all of your needs.

Sex never promised you anything. Is it worth it?

Beautiful Feet

I’m having a post Fusion hang over right now so I’m trying to mentally and physically prepare myself to lead my small group in an outreach downtown this evening. Wednesdays are always my long days so being a mental zombie on Thursday mornings is not uncommon. Since yesterday consisted of a LOT of running around from one side of our massive main building, high energy worship, emotional altar call, late night meal with a friend, and a couple of hours of writing and plenty of insomnia, I finally made it to bed at about 4:30 AM .

Missed my 7AM alarm and woke up t 8:01, one minute after the time I should have been checking in my 4-year-old at school. Thank God he didn’t put up his cry fest while getting dressed cause I probably would have sat in the corner and cried from exhaustion. Walked outside only to have a squirrel fall out of the tree onto the ground and me nearly crushing him. My 13-year-old fumble around and at the threat of missing his bus, he finally got this act together and got dressed. I made a mad dash to the school only to have my kid finally melt down at the thought of having to wash his hands before going into the classroom (they have to wash their hands before breakfast but since we were late, he had cereal at home). With me near the brink of tears out of frustration and exhaustion, his teacher scooped him up and let me sneak out. As I exited the building, the director gave me a little brown bag with orange juice and a muffin since it was parent appreciation day. I needed that.

An hour late for work, I am relieved that I don’t have much to do and anticipated catching up on some sleep in my car during an extended lunch (yep, I do that). My boss deflated my dream when he mentioned a last minute morning meeting, a 2:00 PM conference call and another meeting after that. I felt like I could probably fall asleep standing up if forced to, my body ached, my head hurt, and though I had an amazing spiritual encounter last night, I was drained of any spirit this morning. I had no clue how I was going to muster up the energy to prepare for my group tonight.

For some reason, I decided to scroll through my phone and look at pictures. Odd because I was not in the mood for anything, let alone browsing through random snapshots. But then I saw this:

This was a picture of my missions team at the orphanage we visited while in Peru this past June. The kids were amazing and watched as we performed our drama and did worship songs with them. The most touching moment was when the pastor (guy in the tan jacket on the right) over the orphanage, prayed a blessing over us (in spanish of course) before we left.  He recited Isaiah 52:7 which says “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns!”

Beautiful are the feet of those that bring the Good News. How ironic is it that my small group is going to do an outreach to minister to people and God reminds me how beautiful the feet are of those that share His message. There are plenty of days where I am running off of fumes doing ministry work, but I love it. I love the people I lead, I love the people I meet, I love the people I minister to, I love the lives that are changed and the seeds of hope that are sown. I love the fact that God provides me with that supernatural strength and unending grace to press forward.

I am awake, revived and ready. I want to lead my group of radical young believers who want to speak a word over the valley of dry bones. Tonight is going to be amazing.

Thank God for the Sabbath.