I started reading Craig Groeschel’s book The Christian Atheist the other day. It’s been on my reading wish list for a while now and thanks to an amazing Kindle ebook special, I got that book and Weird for $2.99 each. I can always tell a book is right on time for me if its a struggle for me to get through it due to a little bit of conviction and down right honesty with myself. The Christian Atheist is messing me up for real. Best $2.99 I’ve spent in a long time.
I believe in God. I do the church thing. I serve. I mentor women. I lead a small group. I do missions trips. I pray for coworkers who threaten to kill themselves. I fast. I spend hours in the Furnace in prayer. I lead outreaches in the community. I blog about all the amazing things I have experienced and have been delivered from thanks to God’s saving grace. I don’t have sex. I feed the homeless. I stand up for victims of human trafficking. I worship with the best of them. I teach my kids to love God. I teach Aiden to pray for Jesus to heal his eczema and asthma. I teach Gavin to be a leader worth following. I am the ideal Christian.
Despite all my works, my testimony, hearing God’s voice with my own ears, I don’t always trust God. I don’t always believe Him or believe in Him. I trust Him in my head but sometimes trusting Him in my heart doesn’t happen. I doubt what He says He will do. I doubt that if I leave my job like He has told me to, He will truly be my provider and take care of me and my boys. I doubt that He will supernaturally open doors and provide favor for me. I doubt that He hears all of my prayers. I doubt that He really wants me to write books. I doubt that He will make a way for me to have a ministry that allows me to be aid in “setting the captives free.”
I am a Christian Atheist. Commence throwing stones.
Even in my moments of doubt and skepticism, I still know that God is not threatened by my unbelief. He is still God even when I am shaky. He is still God even when I don’t feel courageous. He is still God when I am riddled with fear. He is still God even when I don’t trust Him. He is still God because even in all my chaos, He still speaks to me. He still chases after me. He still gives nudges me to remind me that He has more blessings than I can even imagine waiting for me to receive. He is still God because He is never changing.
“If God is really God, then live like He is really God.” That was the challenge that Pastor Johnson gave. Even in my Christian atheism, I know that God is really God. It’s time I start living like He is really God. Time to search my life and expose areas where I have compromised, where I have grown lukewarm, where I have doubt & fear. Time to live like God is really God everyday, not just in a time of crisis.
If God is really God, then live like He is really God. Period.