I realize my life can be summed up in two words: Organized Chaos. Sometimes I feel pulled in a hundred directions but I like the challenge. Everyone and everything has a place, a time and a reason. I like to plan my days and weeks out in advanced while attempting to hold onto a more flexible, go with the flow attitude. Some days I am a jumbled mess, others (like today) I have a peace that transcends all understanding.
There is a method to my madness…most days. There is a plan for my life and I am in charge of casting the vision so that I meet my end goal. I know where I am supposed to go but getting there is the hard part. After my blog entry yesterday, I took a hard look at where I am supposed to end up and my process of getting there. Organized chaos for sure. I’m feeling some growing pains because I know that right now, I need to shed some of my distractions, my own personal desires and wants, in order to make this organized chaos a little bit more focused. I am often plagued with distractions (blogging while at work) and usually when I am doing what I want to do, I can probably think of 10 other things I should be doing. I never really feel all that bad because at the end of it all, what needs to get done gets done.
I sometimes wonder if God can find the intentions of my heart and actions in the midst of all my clutter and mayhew. I have mental and spiritual file cabinets and storage boxes of stuff that I collect to hopefully use one day or to just hold on to for no apparent reason. But in the midst of my hoarding, I wonder if I am leaving much room for the thoughts, ideas, visions or creative processes that He wants me to try on for size.
My words feel like they are not quite making sense on the screen but I can decipher the codes in my mind. One of the apparent by-products of a life of organized chaos. I am glad that my Father gets me, He can speak my language and still manages to climb over my storage room of clutter and plant little pearls of wisdom into my heart. I am set apart from the rest for sure. I still tell people The Good News, but in my own quirky and down to earth way. I still hurt for the lost, the broken, the unrepentant. Even with my chaos, I try to do all things with His heart in mind. I am not perfect nor do I conform. I thrive in my chaos and it makes me me. I really don’t think He would have it any other way.