This weekend has been a world wind of emotions, revelations, conquered fears, community, and confirmation. I took the Ancient Paths seminar at church and had my world rocked. I was nervous about what to expect so little did I know, God had already prepared my heart for the very discussions that were being taught. We discussed generational curses and issues that cause our soul not to line up with God. Those are the very things I blogged about in my last two entries. I was comforted to know that I was already on the right track when it comes to ending the cycles of sin in my children and my generations to come. I was even more please with the visions and revelations God gave me when it comes to the condition of my soul.
In one of our small group sessions, our group leader asked us to prayerfully examine our hearts and reveal any areas of sin that we are still struggling with that is causing us to not be in alignment with God. I knew this was my moment to let everything in me loose and spend some time in God’s presences, tears and all. As I prayed, I noticed God was extra silent while everyone around me was having revelations, repenting, crying etc. I was starting to get nervous because I figured I wasn’t praying right or not listen to God right or something because surely He had a list of areas I was still jacked up in.
When I closed my eyes, God transported me back to September 9, 2009. In my mind’s eye, I was at a Fusion service during the Naked series. The sermon was titled “Healing From Heartbreak” and this was maybe my 3rd Fusion service. I saw Pastor Johnson standing on the stage with a huge white light illuminating behind him. I saw myself standing in line with my little blue slip of paper that contained every sin I had committed and every instance of pain I could think of. Pastor Johnson told us to nail our sins and shame to the actual huge cross at the end of the stage and accept Christ’s free gift of salvation and righteousness. I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain so I stood in line with the shaky faith that maybe He would give me a second chance. Maybe.
Believe it or not, He gave me a second chance. He gave me beauty for ashes. He gave me a new life. That night will forever be burned into my mind and heart because that was the night I seriously gave my heart to Christ. I remember feeling such freedom in those moments when I nailed my slip of paper to that cross. I remember the tears falling and me not really understanding why. I remember e-mailing Pastor Summer and thanking her for sharing her testimony and her thanking Jesus for meeting me at the cross. I didn’t know what that meant then but I do now.
As I came back to reality and listened to the prayers for forgiveness from my group members, I again asked God why He showed me that night and not areas of my soul that needed mending. Just as sure as I hear my own voice when I speak, God said to me “Look at what I have already done for you. I have already set you free.” He set me free when I took the leap of faith and nailed sins to the cross and allowed Him to breath life into my fragile heart. When I accepted Christ, He set me free. How awesome is that? Realizing I was not as jacked up as I thought was an amazing thing.
On the last day of the seminar, we were given the meaning of our names. Who would have known that my name means “free.” Yeah, He knew what He was doing. More than anything this weekend, I learned that I am supposed to be here. I am right where I am supposed to be for such a time as this. I have a purpose and a plan for my life. I am free because He loves me.
Everything You do just screams “I love you.” It really does.