I must be honest. Over the last couple of months, my life can be summed up in one word: chaotic. Somewhere around the holidays, life just started moving in all different directions and it became kinda hard to stay focused and motivated. It has taken me a while to settle into this new rhythm of life and I feel like I am finally able to catch my breath…if only for a second.
With more responsibility added to my plate, more meetings in my planner, more parent teacher conferences for my boys, more people vying for my attention, I got lost in the chaos. My voice got quieter, my thoughts got a little more reserved.
Adding to the already overflowing plate, this winter has been one for the record books. Two winter storms that crippled my city confining me to house for almost two weeks, repeated car issues, parenting stress, strained friendships, that ever present reminder of my single status and zero motivation to write. Instead of constantly living out of the overflow of love and joy that Christ brings, I have been living in survival mode. I’ve been barely keeping my head above water, hoping that the next wave doesn’t do me in.
As I drove to pick up my son from a weekend with his dad yesterday, I rode in silence and soaked in the first bit of warm, sunny weather I had seen in weeks. I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular yet I begin to feel a stirring in my heart. I felt the desire to worship, for no reason at all except because God was worthy of what little praise I could muster. I was thankful for my few minutes of worship because I was later forced to deal with an uncomfortable and unexpected issue shortly there after. That issue could have rocked me to my core had my Lord not tendered my heart in those few minutes.
The storms and battles of life are inevitable. Chaos happens, rhythms get off beat, heartbreak happen, children stray from the path me lay before them, faith get shaky, emotions collide, prayers go unanswered. It’s so easy to get distracted by all the noise around us even though God wants us to quiet our hearts and minds before Him.
Despite it all, even if my heart doesn’t feel like it is in it, I will praise God in the chaos. I will still serve Him faithfully. I will hold onto His promise to see me through the valleys. I will dance in the darkness and into His marvelous light. I will hold my arms outstretched even if I can’t feel His embrace. I will sing His praises and shout of His glory even if my voice shakes. Even when we are far from Him, He is never far from us. Even when we can’t hear Him, He hears every prayer we speak out loud